


Only If I Die

by Bats



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-09-27
Updated: 2001-09-27
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bats/pseuds/Bats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bashir makes a sacrifice to save garak's life. First times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only If I Die

Only If I Die  
DS 9 G/B  
by Kris

 

“Captain, I would like you to perform a marriage ceremony for Garak and I.”

“Garak? What are you thinking Doctor?”

“Making him a Federation citizen is the only way to save his life.”

“Do you love him?” Dax asked.

“More than anything in the universe. If you can’t do this I will leave with him. I will do whatever I must to ensure his safety. He has been invaluable to the Federation, but he priceless to me.”

“Doctor, you would leave Starfleet?” Sisko was making sure of his CMO’s resolve.

“In a heart beat. No backward looks.”

“Does Mr. Garak agree?”

“He has no choice. He can’t fight for the future of Cardassia if he’s dead.” Julian replied honestly.

“Does he love you?” Dax inquired.

“No. But he is my friend. I will appeal to him on these merits. I would appreciate that what I’ve said here go no further.” Julian looked directly at Dax for her confirmation.

Both Sisko and Dax nodded.

Bashir looked Sisko directly in the eyes, “Will you perform the ceremony? Will you aid Garak in attaining citizenship?”

“Yes to both, Doctor.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Dax followed him out, concerned for her friend. “Julian, you sure?”

Julian smiled, feeling her real concern for his emotional well being. “Yes, Jadzia, I am. I can’t rest or work, I worry constantly that they will come and try to take him away.”

Dax put her hand on his shoulder, “Julian, you need to tell him how you feel.”

Julian turned his head to the side and wore a crooked smile, “The depth I feel wouldn’t be welcome. We are friends. This he understands. The other, he thinks me too naive and too human. The Cardassian within him thinks he would be viewed as weak.”

“But if he agrees to marry you……”

“Jadzia, his wish is to fight for a free Cardassia. He will yield to the logic. Do not worry, it is enough for him to live, even if eventually it is without me. I will free him as soon as he is safe.”

“My experience tells me Julian, that you should tell him.” Jadzia felt this within all her lives.

Julian was truly touched by her caring. “Should I die, you can tell him. Okay?”

“No, but I understand. Just remember that these are perilous times and we shouldn’t waste opportunities.”

“You’re right, and that’s just what I’m doing. I’m not wasting this chance to save Garak’s life.” His rueful smile conveyed more than Julian realized, but Dax knew she’d have to keep it to herself.

\-----------

“Garak, under federation protection, you can’t be extradited for supposed crimes against Bajor or Cardassia. Neither the Kai’s or Dukat can detain you. You’ll be able to leave the station without fear.”

“Doctor, why are you doing this?” Garak asked quietly.

“You’re my best friend.” He put up his hand to forestall any comment Garak would make. “And I don’t have to be yours, don’t worry. But I could not like myself if harm came to you when I could have prevented it. There are no other options open."

“Very well Doctor, I consent.” Garak said without any emotion.

“Great, Captain Sisko will perform the ceremony tomorrow morning.” Julian was satisfied.

\-------

The ceremony was small, Miles stood with Julian and Odo stood with Garak. Judiza and Kira sat so they could see everything.

Dax had had known that Julain’s feeling ran deep for the Cardassian, but this was to his inner core and she could see it in his eyes. She wondered how Garak missed it. Or maybe he hadn’t and just didn’t care to acknowledge it. Poor Julian, but he did seem to know exactly what he was getting into.

When the ceremony was over, they went back on duty. Julian hadn’t wanted a fuss that would embarrass Garak unduly.

Garak and Julian moved into larger quarters, and other than an occasional lunch, they didn’t see much of each other for the next two weeks. Julian was extremely busy in the infirmary, where now he could concentrate on his patients and the Bajoran virus outbreak. His worry about Garak’s safety abated.

The tailor made himself very busy to avoid too much time with the doctor.

Two weeks to the day, Sisko brought Julian Garak’s confirmed citizenship papers. “This was rushed through, I‘ve been worried that Dukat would try something.”

“Thank you, Captain. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.” Julian told him sincerely.

“I’m glad it worked out, Doctor.”

That evening Julian went to Garak’s shop, wanting to share the news with the tailor.

“Doctor, and what brings you here this evening?” Garak asked upon Julian’s entrance.

“You can call me Julian, you know, we are married after all.” He forged ahead as he got no response. “Here, these came through today.” He handed the papers to Garak.

The Cardassian looked down and then up at Julian, “What is this, what does this mean.”

“You are now officially a citizen of the Federation. You are safe. The Federation protects its citizens. Bajor can’t touch you either.”

“But I’m Cardassian.” Garak’s apprehension evident in his voice.

“Not anymore. As of yesterday, you are a Federation citizen.” Then responding to the look of horror on his husbands face. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Wrong, my dear Doctor!” He sneered. “Why nothing but stealing my birthright, my homeworld. I am a Cardassian.” His voice more forceful than Julian could ever remember. Garak continued on, “I’m Cardassian, Doctor and you don’t understand what that means. You don’t become a citizen any where else. How dare you take it upon yourself.”

Fighting actual tears of frustration, “But I was helping you. I didn’t want you executed.”

“Helping me? Like this farce of a marriage? And now you steal the very essence of myself. I think not.”

Julian couldn’t take the look of betrayal, hatred and rage on Garak’s face. He fled the shop.

He sought the sanctuary of his office at the infirmary. Julian put his head down, thoughts swarming, “Oh hell, what have I done?”

\-----

Sisko located the doctor at o’six hundred in the infirmary, “Doctor, Kai Reece and a Romulan representative will be here at o’nine hundred. They want Garak. Please have Mr. Garak and his papers here. Sisko out.”

Julian sent a message to Garak regarding the meeting. They arrived at the same time independently of one another. As they entered they were flanked by Dax, Kira and Odo. Julian handed the citizenship papers to Sisko. The feeling of solidarity wasn’t missed by Julian, and once again, he was grateful of the support his friends had given him.

Captain Sisko turned to his guests and presented the Federation documents. “You will see that Elim Garak is indeed a citizen and as such, will be treated in accordance with Federation laws.”

“This is outrageous Captain. I demand that you hand over that Cardassian. These silly attempts only weakens your position as the Emissary.” Kai Reece said indignantly.

“It is completely immaterial whether I’m viewed as the Emissary or not. What is not immaterial, Kai, are these documents. They are signed by the Federation President. You will not be allowed to violate any rights to a citizen of the Federation.”

“The Romulan government does not recognize any documents from the Federation. You hand over the war criminal.” The Romulan stated with passion.

“You better think hard if you want a war with the Federation. For if you violate the rights of Mr. Garak, that is exactly what you will get.” Sisko stated, just short of being in his face.

“You are not going to war over a Cardassian tailor.” The Romulan scoffed.

“You’re right, we wouldn’t. But Mr. Garak is a Federation citizen, all rules and regulations apply. If those are violated, we will go to war. Understand?” Sisko stated emphatically.

The Romulan refused to yield, “He was with the Obsidian Order, as such, guilty of crimes against my government. His citizenship status does not effect that.”

“I’m afraid it does. We have a written agreement with Romulus. They will not harm Federation citizens in these two quadrants. Effective day before yesterday. Check your bulletins.” Sisko was smug in his knowledge.

The Romulan representative looked mutinous, but after a scowl at the Cardassian, he fumed and left. The Kai looked disgusted with Sisko’s behavior and followed the Romulan.

Sisko turned to Garak and handed him the contested documents. “You are free and clear, now, Mr. Garak.” Sisko actually smiled. More for the one-upping the Romulan, but Bashir and Garak didn’t know that.

Garak nodded his head in understanding, still digesting the refusal to hand him over.

\-------

That evening, after finishing in the infirmary, Julian went to Garak’s shop. He needed to apologize to him in person. He was hoping that Garak understood after today, what he’d been trying to accomplish. He didn’t find Garak, but the vid screen was on with a frozen message. “Computer, play back this message.”

The vid reset, Gul Dukat stood there, then he started speaking, “Ah, Garak, you may have side-stepped the Bajoran and Romulan justice, but Cardassia got hers. You are no longer a valid citizen of Cardassia and knowing how you feel, I have my revenge. Ah, the happiness I feel.” The mocking face of a smiling Dukat stayed on the screen.

Julian was appalled, now he realized the depth of betrayal that Garak must have felt at his hands. A man that professed to be his friend, caring about his continued existence. That would be hard to believe now, in the face of this. He had to speak with him. He rushed to their quarters and found Garak packing.

“Elim, I am sorry. I saw the message from Dukat.”

Garak turned, eyes flashing, ridges dark with anger. Julian was transfixed with this vision of Garak. He was beautiful, even in anger. The doctor forgot why he’d come, so lost was he in the image of the Cardassian. Mesmerized by the throbbing ridges, their changing colors, Julian grew aroused without being aware.

Garak hissed in anger, “Dukat was overjoyed, Doctor. I NO LONGER BELONG.” He bellowed at the offending human. His anger tangible in the air.

Julian, caught up in the electric energy of Garak, felt himself harden completely. He unconsciously licked his lips. His arousal obvious, the Cardassian didn’t miss it. He was further infuriated. “Does it excite you to find me miserable. You revel in my downfall.” His anger reached a fever pitch and exploded. Taking direct aim at the believed cupric. Faster than the thought process could register, Garak had Julian pinned against the wall. He ground his body against the humans, leaving no room for breath to work in and out of his lungs.

Julian wasn’t afraid, his body betrayed him and undulated in response. The answering movement from Julian pushed the Cardassian into his realm of no control. All the pent up desire for the human body took over and he ripped off Julian’s clothes. He bit the doctor’s shoulder, he raked his teeth down the smooth chest, drawing blood. Any who saw him would know that he’d been taken by a Cardassian, not a Federation citizen.

The tailor shed his clothes and left them where they dropped. He turned the naked doctor and slammed him against the wall. His finger searching the crack for the tight entrance. His finger found the puckered rim and guided his cockhead there and in a single swift move rammed his organ to the hilt. Julian cried out in the pain, but it was unheeded by the lust driven tailor. He plunged and withdrew, again and again.

The blood he drew eventually coated the canal and the ease of thrusting drove the Cardassian wild. He pounded Julian, Julian pounded the wall. The slight grogginess of hitting the wall with his head, allowed the doctor’s body to relax and Julian began to enjoy the sensation that Garak’s thrusts caused. As Garak’s seed bust and coated the canal, the cool sensation within set Julian off and he coated the wall with his fluids. Both sank to the floor exhausted.

Julian opened his eyes, he was soar but alert. He picked up the spent tailor and deposited him into the bed. Garak didn’t stir. Julian looked at him as he dressed. He placed a last kiss on his head and left their quarters and made for the infirmary.

He healed the anal tears as he replayed the sex. He knew it was an anger release for Garak and Julian wasn’t angry, he had deserved it and more. He had to fix this. He just didn’t know how.

He had a bed in his office and he could just live there until things settled a bit. Hoping to be alone, he was disappointed. Major Kira was there, pacing, waiting for him in the outer area.

“Doctor, there you are. There are several Bajoran children that are near death due to the virus. The standard antibiotic doesn’t work and they were hoping you would try your research antitoxin.” At the doctor’s skeptic stare, she added, “They know that this is the last step before death. Julian, they know you are persona-non-grata and yet they are willing to bring their children into space to meet you. This is their only hope.”

Julian was tired and drained, but he couldn’t leave them out there to die. “All right, twenty minutes at the Defiant.”

The Major’s grateful look told him how much she appreciated this. He gathered what he would need and left a message for Garak. He went to the docking bay.  
\---------  
The rendezvous went smoothly. Julian beamed over with the trail antitoxins. He checked the six children and injected them. He made notes, looking for their similarities, marking time. He needed to wait thirty minutes and administer another shot. That complete, he had planned on giving the parents the follow-up instructions before beam out. Instead, he saw the floor before he blacked out.

\--------

Kira couldn’t believe that the ship had been there one minute and gone the next. She radioed but received no answers. She headed back to the station to inform Sisko and get his help.

Sisko was pissed. The information he received from the Bajoran government was they did not have the doctor in custody, they suggested a fringe group. They reminded Sisko, that Julian was a Federation problem and persona-non-grata on Bajor.

“We’ll have to check the sources, see what information we can obtain on the fringe groups.” Dax suggested.

Kira paced back and forth, “I believed them, I pushed the Doctor into going. This is my fault.”

“Your motives were the best. There was no reason to suspect that it was anything but what was presented.” Dax consoled her friend. She turned to Ben, “Has anyone told Garak?”

Everyone’s eyes hit the floor.

\--------

Garak woke with a soft cock for the first time in a year. He stretched, remembering the sated feeling. Then the memories flooded as to how he’d come to feel that way and he sat up and sought out Julian. He was not within their quarters. He found a message waiting on the terminal.

Garak,  
Don’t want to be the one to turn it over,  
but don’t want to be somewhere I don’t belong.  
I know it’s not enough to be sorry,  
I do feel the darkness closing in.

This human was arrogant and ignorant,  
I just wanted to keep you alive.  
J. Bashir

Garak wasn’t given time to sort out the message as his comm sounded.

“Sisko to Garak.”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Would you come to Ops as soon as you can.”

Sighing, he answered, “Yes, Captain.” Garak went to change his clothes first.

He entered Ops to a somber looking group. The nerves on his neck alerted him that something was amiss. “What’s happened?”

Major Kira sighed impatiently, then blurted out, “Julian’s missing.” Before Garak could interrupt, she continued, “The Doctor accompanied me on the Defiant to a ship that contained extremely sick children. He had just about finished giving them the antitoxin when the ship disappeared.”

“It was blown up?” Garak asked, a level of fear rising, squeezing his chest. Feelings that he was unaware of, surged through him.

“No. There was nothing to indicate that. Just vanished.” Kira concluded dejectedly.

“I contacted the Bajoran government and they know nothing. The suggested a Bajoran fringe group.”

“For what motive? He was obviously helping.” Garak asked of the Captain.

Kira answered. “Dr. Bashir has been declared a spy by the Bajoran government….”

“That’s ridiculous,” Garak interrupted.

“…..Yes, well, since he married you, they say they don’t trust him.” Kira shared the new information.

“Did you know this when you lured Julian out there?” Garak asked in a cold voice.

“I didn’t lure Julian anywhere. There were dying children, I didn’t have to beg the Doctor to go. The mother I talked with was desperate.” Kira defended herself heatedly.

Odo entered Ops with an air of knowing. “Julian is being held on charges of espionage on Bajor.”

“They had no knowledge of that an hour ago,” Sisko yelled out.

“I was told that they don’t have to notify you for seventy two hours. They plan to try him before the notification time.” Odo informed them.

“So they can deny official knowledge and just send back the body.” Garak announced. “Spies are executed.”

Dax looked to Ben, “We have to do something. We can’t let Julian die.”

“We can’t go in officially.” Sisko told them at large.

“Well, that won’t stop me from trying.” Garak announced just before he turned and left. Odo, Dax and Kira rushed out after him.

“Elim, we’ll take the Defiant, we just won’t tell Benjamin. Can you use your sources to get plans of where he’s being held? Odo, do you know which prison he is in?” Both men nodded. “Kira, get the ship ready, I’ll get our phasers, we’ll meet at the ship in an hour.” Dax strode purposefully off.

\-------

Julian woke in discomfort. He was hanging by his hands, that were tied and anchored over his head. He fixed his stared to the only being in the cell. “What am I doing here?”

“Shut up, spy.” A whip was cracked and struck his back.

Julian cried out in pain, “I am a Doctor. I’m no spy. I was helping some dying children.”

“You are an associate of a known Cardassian spy and are branded the same. What was your real purpose in Bajoran space.” The whip sounded again and the pain was sharp. Julian bit his lip to prevent further out cries.

After failing to get the desired confession, his tormentor took to physically beating his chest and abdomen. Julian became unconscious about midday, that didn’t deter his captor, who continued his brutality well into the evening.

\-----

With help from one of the Bajoran parents, the rescuers were able to get close to the encampment that Bashir was held in. She had told Kira, “My children are getting better. We hadn’t believed that possible. I can’t let them kill him, other children may need him.” She had also managed to get two of the perimeter guards to help her and that allowed Garak, Odo and Kira the way in.

The only structure with concrete walls enclosed the cell where the doctor was being held. Kira distracted the guard and Garak clubbed him from behind. Odo tossed the keys to Garak and he unlocked the cell door.

Garak saw the battered and broken body of Dr. Bashir and until that moment, this had just been a rescue mission, but faced with the reality of Julian’s condition, emotion flooded the controlled being. He fell at the doctor’s side and cried out in shock, “Who fixes the broken doctor?” He gingerly put his hand to Julian’s neck looking for a pulse. He found a very weak one. He put his head on Julian’s chest, crying, muttering , Oh Julian,” through the tears.

Kira had to use her phaser to repel the guards on rounds and one got a yell off. She turned to the group behind her, “We’ve got company coming.”

Odo was unlocking all the cells as Garak held the crumpled doctor in his arms, still muttering, “Who fixes the broken doctor.” Odo rushed in as he hit his comm badge, “Defiant, four to beam up.” The shimmering figures were shot at but not hit.

\-----

Garak waited outside the infirmary. He was allowed inside, they couldn’t keep him out now, that was his husband in there and he had rights. But he couldn’t stop pacing and he was making sounds that he didn’t want others to hear. Sounds that some may think of as tears. He was Cardassian and men of strength did not cry out loud.

The doctors said they weren’t sure if Julian would live. His kidneys had sustained a lot of damage as had his lungs. They said he may never regain consciousness, he would never again talk with Julian. Never. He wouldn’t be able to tell him that he hadn’t really fucked him in anger, just used it as the excuse. He had desired the strong and slender body for so long and when he had seen the arousal he had lost his control. But not in anger, not to punish.

His feelings for the doctor were so jumbled. He was a friend, he had also desired that perfect body. But he had been hurt when Julian had caused him to loose his citizenship, and angry. But Garak realized that Julian had been ignorant of how that would effect a Cardassian. He had saved his life. The Captain had said that the Federation wouldn’t back a Cardassian tailor, but they did back the Federation tailor, who had once been that Cardassian tailor. He hadn’t been turned over, and wouldn’t. Julian had been right.

He realized also, that he would have done the same for Julian, even if he had known the consequences, even dare Julian’s wraith if it would have saved his life. The good doctor had married him because he thought of the plain and simple tailor as his best friend. Then he had assured that same tailor that he didn’t expect that friendship back. His face had said that he thought it unattainable. He had been wrong. But now, he couldn’t tell him, tell him that he was that tailor’s best friend too.

The thought of Julian’s death filled his heart with a sadness and an ache. An ache he didn’t remember having for a sentient ever before, only his homeworld. What did that mean? He had been shying away from those thoughts for so long, he didn’t want to examine them now. But they were tied up in Julian and this might be his last chance.

Garak was momentarily disgusted with himself, he could extract information from the walls themselves and he was incapable of doing the same to himself. He could face anything, no matter the appearance he wore for others.

He thought of the doctor, his original meeting. Just to gain intel through the naive young man. He had soon discovered that the intellect that the beautiful body possessed was astounding. And very attractive. The tailor became besotted with the doctor. The doctor caroused with females, one after another. Never a lasting relationship, but never a male. Garak had let that part go and the friendship grew.

The war hit and Julian withdrew. He removed himself emotionally. He was young. One near death crisis after another had finally liberated him and the doctor had renewed their friendship, made it stronger. Then he willingly sacrificed his social life to marry him and keep him safe and all this silly old man had done was clamor at him about betrayal. The betrayal had been his. He let Julian marry him, knowing full well that Julian did it only to save his life. But it was a way to keep Julian by his side.

Garak sank to the ground, his face in his hands, shame coursed through his body. He had driven him away, to his death. “Oh, Julian, oh my, I…” The words I love you echoed in his head and tears fell. He was too late.

\----------

Jadzia Dax paced. She hadn’t believed her eyes when she had beamed up Garak holding the battered body of Julian. She had arranged for an emergency medical team standing by, but there was still only a small chance that he would live.

Garak paced outside, beside himself in pain. Unable to seek solace in Julian’s friends. His eyes had been so tortured as he watched his husband closely the entire way back. They had to pry Julian out of his embrace. All had been surprised at the tears that fell unheeded form the Cardassian eyes. None had realized that the tailor had loved Julian back. Julian certainly didn’t know. And from one overheard cry, the Cardassian didn’t know that he was loved by his friend.

Dax had given her word, so she couldn’t tell him, but he oh, so needed to know. She turned her gaze back to Julian, he had screamed aloud in pain, the first sounds from him. She rushed to his side and grabbed his hand. The doctors were so fixated on his kidneys, they ignored her. She spoke into Julian’s ear.

“Fight, Julian, we need you here. Garak needs you.” She kept repeating that into his ear.

From some hell that Julian’s consciousness resided in he pleaded aloud, “Garak….Dax don’t tell him.”

Dax whispered in his ear, “Oh Julian, he needs to know. He loves you.”

“No, hates me. I need to free him. Promise, don’t tell, only if I die, just so he understands why I married him. Please and tell him I’m sorry.” He pleaded in a hushed whisper.

The doctors realizing that he was conscious, pushed Dax out of the way and began asking questions. They worked on him, resetting, repairing, but the blood continued to flow. If they couldn’t stop it he would die.

Miles yelled, Odo paced. Kira yelled, Dax paced. Worf and Quark would come and go, again and again. Ben Sisko wanted to yell, wanted to pace but he looked out to Garak, waiting alone like the exile he had always been and knew that he was needed there.

“Mr. Garak, Come wait inside. You belong there. No one can keep you out.” Ben’s voice was gentle.

“Thank you, Captain, but here is fine.” Garak told him, controlled.

“Actually, you’d be helping the others, they need to grieve with you.” Ben told him, not sure if the Cardassian would be able to extend himself. But if Julian did die, he would need them.

“He can’t die. There is too much left undone,” Garak seem to plead.

“I know.” Ben just stood next to the tailor, hoping some comfort could be drawn.

The evening became night and the night faded to the wee hours that lonely people fear. Garak knew them well and was now faced of a lifetime of wee hours. As if prophetic thoughts, the cardiac beeper wailed and all rushed in as close as they could get.

All Garak could hear was his heart stopped. Dax heard them counting the time without oxygen. Kira begged her Profits for this one soul. Miles watched the equipment, hoping it was a malfunction. Odo paced, how did he get attached, why did he get attached. Ben placed his arm on Garak’s shoulder. Garak stared at the lifeless body, willing it to live, offering his life force. Again as if prophetic, the cardiac machine sounded again. Beep, beep, beep. The best sound that any of them had ever heard. Julian lived still.

The doctors found the bleeder, behind the heart and as if the life force willed to him by Garak flowed, Julian stabilized. They now expected him to live.

\-------

The crisis over, most returned to duty, Worf had been doing it all. Garak never left Julian. He watched over him. But remained out of the line of sight. Dax would try to get Garak to sit next to sleeping man, but he would just smile a sad smile and shake his head no.

Julian’s first words upon waking were about the tailor. “Garak. Where’s Garak?”

“Here, Doctor. Don’t thrash about.” Garak entered his line of sight.

“Good,” he sighed. “They, he had threatened to do things, horrible things. Promise you won’t go to Bajor.” His eyes were almost closed as he begged an answer.

“Yes, I promise. Please calm yourself, Doctor.” Garak assured him.

“Julian,” he whispered sadly as he fell back asleep.

Garak looked down at the beautiful sleeping face and said softer yet, “Yes, Julian.”

\-------------

As the doctor got stronger and stronger, Garak spent less and less time in the infirmary. While Julian had been on the pain meds, he asked for Garak every time he woke. As Julian was weaned off of them and had more clear time for thinking, Julian realized that Garak was just humoring him and ceased to force Garak to stay.

Garak too, realized that they couldn’t go back and prepared to find alternate lodgings. In the meantime, he fixed up Julian’s place so it would be ready for him when he was able to leave the infirmary.

With just a few days to his release, Julian begged to have some time all to himself. The attending doctor agreed that Julian needed the practice and finally some peace and quiet. Julian requested files from the computer and secured them with a code. He read the information and saved it to his file.

Close to the end of his day he asked Dax to join him. Dax was there in minutes, glad to have an opportunity to speak with her friend alone. “Julian, what can I do you for?” She asked as she entered the doctor’s domain.

Julian was all serious, “I need you to locate a reputable attorney. I want to be able to give Garak a divorce and still keep him safely secure in the Federation. And he should know something about Cardassian law too. I want to find a way for Garak to gain his Cardassian citizenship again. I need to make it up to him. And I need you to keep this confidential. I’m asking as a friend.”

Jadzia was stunned. Julian loved Garak so much it was hard for her to accept that Julian wanted to end it. “I don’t understand?”

“I betrayed Garak behind his back. I didn’t mean to, but it amounts to the same thing. So I must find a way to undo what I did. But for my own peace of mind I must also find a way to keep him safe.” The upcoming loss was already reflected in his eyes.

“Julian, you should talk with Garak, tell him the truth. He was worried about you.” Dax told him.

“He is my friend after all and even with my treachery, he still found it in himself to comfort me, even if I didn’t deserve it.” Julian remembered Garak’s face from the day before he was captured.

“Jadzia, will you help me?” Julian changed the subject.

“Yes, of course.”

\-------

Much to Dax’s dismay, the attorney was able to find a loophole where that as the marriage forced unwanted changes on Garak, he was entitled to his citizenship protection and a handsome settlement. Julian was happy to oblige. He found a loophole so that Garak could be granted dual citizenship as the Federation citizenship was part of his settlement.

Julian was officially released and he moved into his infirmary bedroom. He had the papers delivered so Garak would know of his freedom without having to bare false gratitude. Julian felt more depressed than he can remember being. Death may have been preferable. He locked everything up and established a privacy lock.

\------

Garak knew that Julian was due to be released. He had his things packed and ready to go. He would wait until after the doctor arrived, so as not to set the people to gossiping too soon. When the door chimed, he called out open and a delivery man stood there.

“Mr. Garak?” The man asked.

“Yes.”

“You need to sign.” He handed the padd to Garak.

Garak scribbled his name and accepted the package. He waited for the door to close then opened the package. There were divorce papers, settlement papers, Cardassian citizenship papers and a note from Julian. -Oh, Garak, no action will truly compensate you for my betrayal. But I do hope that this will allow you to one day find it in your heart to forgive me. Sincerely, Julian Bashir.-

Garak held the papers that said he was no longer married to Julian and wept.

\---------

Jadzia sat in the replimat and fumed. Julian used his recovery as an excuse to get out of most everything except work. He never left the infirmary. She believed that Julian was afraid to run into Garak.

That in itself would have been difficult as Garak worked in his shop and spent the rest of the time in his quarters. He was in what used to be Julian’s quarters. Part of the settlement.

Jadzia wanted to send Worf to knock some sense into both men, but was afraid he would become over-zealous in the assignment. She knew that if Garak knew how Julian really felt he would do the rest. Dax was mad that she ‘d ever made the promise. Only if he died, how that statement had come back to haunt Julian. He had almost died. Wait, her brain ticked on, technically, Bashir had died and the doctors revived him. She was freed from her promise. Julian could claim that she had been careless, but if it turned out for the better, then Julian would forgive her.

She headed for Garak’s shop.

Garak was idly straightening things until he noticed Dax, then he picked up the closest padd and checked some inventory. Dax noticed all this as she approached the counter.

Garak spoke without looking up, “How may I help you today, Lieutenant?”

“Garak, I need to talk with you. It’s personal and serious.” Dax told him.

“And I am the one you wish to have this heart to heart?” Doubt lined his voice.

“It’s about Julian.”

Garak’s whole demeanor changed. For a few seconds worry was evident, then the mask he wore took over and he said, “I’m not sure that this concerns me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. That it concerns you is why I am here.” Jadzia told him quietly.

Garak sighed as he realized that until Dax said what she had to say, she wouldn’t leave. He’d best endure it. He put the closed sign on and hit the privacy lock. He led her to the back office. “All right Lieutenant,” Garak said as he sat.

Dax paced as she thought how to word what she wanted to say, then instead, she blurted out, “Garak, I have information that I promised I wouldn’t reveal unless Julian died.”

Garak’s face displayed a momentary pain as he remembered how close Julian had come to death. Then he turned his overly bright eyes to Dax. “So unless the doctor has died, and I very much doubt that he has for you are quite contained, why are you here?”

“Technically, Julian did die. He was dead for almost two minutes.” Dax told him, watching him.

A panic gripped Garak as he thought of those minutes. The worst he had ever lived through, and he had plenty to compare with. He tampered those thoughts, “But Julian is alive and well with no side effects. Why bring it up?” Garak pushed, wanting Dax to be finished and gone.

“That is why I’m here, Julian isn’t well and may never be again. That’s why I’m here and that’s why I’m willing to use a technicality. Garak, do you remember the morning you got married?”

“As we are now divorced, it is immaterial.” He hid all the pain of that statement.

“It is very pertinent. Did you not wonder at how Benjamin never questioned anything. Accepted it all without question. Or myself for that matter?”

“I expect that I accepted that you did it for Julian. A testimony of how much you all care for him.”

“It was a lot more than that. Computer, play back tape 17 ACG.”

“Captain, I would like you to perform a marriage ceremony for Garak and I.” Julian’s voice.

“Garak? What are you thinking Doctor?” Sisko’s voice.

“Making him a Federation citizen is the only way to save his life.” Julian’s voice.

“Do you love him?” Dax’s voice.

“More than anything in the universe. If you can’t do this I will leave with him. I will do whatever I must to ensure his safety. He has been invaluable to the Federation, but he priceless to me.” Julian’s voice.

“Doctor, you would leave Starfleet?” Sisko’s voice.

“In a heart beat. No backward looks.” Julian’s voice

“Does Mr. Garak agree?” Sisko’s voice

“He has no choice. He can’t fight for the future of Cardassia if he’s dead.” Julian’s voice.

“Does he love you?” Dax’s voice.

“No. But he is my friend. I will appeal to him on these merits. I would appreciate that what I’ve said here go no further.” Julian’s voice.

Hearing Julian’s beautiful voice declaring his love with such passion, cut deep into Garak’s heart. The anguish threatened to overwhelm as he thought of his subsequent actions. Killing that love. Garak bent his head in shame and pain.

“Elim, Julian loves you, can’t you go to him?” Jadzia could almost feel the Cardassian’s pain.

With his head still bent, a voice trying to swallow tears said, “I killed it the day the Romulans tried to arrest me.”

Dax knelt down by Garak’s knees and placed her hand on his thigh and quietly revealed, “Just before Julian momentarily died, he made me promise again not to burden you with the knowledge of his love. He believed that he had betrayed you. He believed that you hated him, but that he loved you so much, he didn’t want you to feel any guilt. He thought his dying would make it easier for you to be free.” Dax’s voice choked on tears as she remembered how close Julian had come to actual death. “The only one he ever called out for was you, Garak. He loves you still.”

Dax had many times in the past wished that the Cardassian tailor could experience some of the pain he had dished out. But seeing the crumpled up man sobbing, her heart took it all back. She put her arms around the tailor’s shoulders and held him as he cried, his heart broke, his soul ripped out.

As Dax held on through the racking sobs, gentle weeping, quiet tears, she thought of all the changes the Cardassian had been through, all the help he had given them and knew that Julian was the key. She didn’t regret using the technicality whatsoever to reveal Julian’s heart.

Sanity eventually reclaimed Garak and he gently pulled out of Dax’s embrace. He went to the sink and threw some cold water on his face. He turned back to the Trill after he had composed himself once more.

“Garak you must go to Julian, he believes that he cannot atone for the grievous insult he did to you. Only you can break through his defenses. For both your sakes.” Dax looked at Garak a moment before taking her leave.

\--------

Julian finished the perfecting of the viral antitoxin and began working on one that would work for Cardassians. His momentary flash of pain was witnessed by no one as he sat alone in the infirmary.

“Ops to Bashir.” Dax’s voice came over the comm.

“Bashir.”

“Julian, I just got a medical call from Garak, but he collapsed in the middle of it.”

Julian’s heart squeezed as he grabbed his bag, “Beam to his site.”

“Energizing.”

Julian formed inside his old quarters. He took in the kannar bottle on the table and began searching for Garak. He found him on the bed unconscious. “Oh, Garak.” He ran his tricorder and discovered erratic heart beats. He sat beside him and touched his face, feeling for temperature and sweat.

He was warmer than he should be. He felt the neck ridges for swelling and was relieved to find none. He stroked the ridges on his forehead, worried. He whispered aloud, “What could be wrong?”

A soft voice answered, “I’m dying of a broken heart.”

“Elim?”

Garak moaned as he tried to move. Instead, he stayed as he was. He wanted to see Julian, so he opened his eyes. He groaned at the light.

“Dim lights forty percent.” Julian called out. “Elim, where does it hurt?” Julian needed to fix the Cardassian first, before he dealt with his words.

“Here,” he moved his hand to rest over his heart.

Julian rubbed his thumb back and forth on the scaled forehead as he asked, “Come on Elim, tell me what’s happening here. I can’t help if I don’t know.”

Garak turned his head slowly to face Julian, “You would help me?”

Julian’s heart constricted at the uncertainty in his voice. “Of course, I’d do whatever I could.

Big blue eyes, rimed with moisture looked up at the concerned hazel watching him. “Can you forgive me, can you mend a broken heart?”

Julian narrowed his eyes, his worry abated as he asked, “Okay, what did you eat and how much kannar did you drink?”

“Denarian eel and the whole bottle.” Garak answered honestly.

Julian took out a hypo and pressed it against his chest. “That is toxic. You know that. Why?” Julian looked him squarely in the eye.

“To get you here.” Complete honestly stood open on the Cardassian face.

“Garak, it could have killed you. It really is a toxic combination.” Bashir looked stern at his patient.

“It didn’t matter if you didn’t come.”

Julian’s heart clenched tight again. Garak was speaking with no mask on his face. Julian had to get to the heart of the matter. “Elim, why? I’m here, now talk with me.”

Garak was in actual discomfort. He found the nausea dissipating as the shot Julian gave him took effect. He looked past the man that held his heart and began in a soft voice. “The afternoon that you proposed marring me to protect me, I never revealed why I agreed. The only reason I agreed was because I love you. I loved you then, I love you now, I’ve loved you since the second month I’ve known you. I knew that it was important for you to save my life and I agreed, I thought it would be enough. But my love kept growing and I felt so guilty that you were tied to me.” Garak swallowed, then continued, “I was upset about losing my Cardassian citizenship, but,” He held his hand up to silence Julian’s protests, “. ….…wait…shush….but that was never as important as you were. I thought to use that situation to release you from a commitment that you couldn’t possibly want.

But that day, Julian, you were gorgeous and you were aroused and I just lost all control. But I did not fuck you in anger, only in love. I thought I would die when we found you, oh Julian,” Garak’s voice broke in remembrance of the broken body he held. “The divorce papers broke me, now I just need to know that you can forgive me.” Garak still looked away, afraid that Dax was wrong and he would see pity or disappointment, but not love in those hazel eyes.

Julian turned the Cardassian face to look at him. Tears running freely down his face, eyes full of love that had never wavered, he traced the gray lips with his thumb. “Elim, I have loved you from the beginning, I thought I had killed your respect with the citizenship change and I couldn’t bear to see the hate in your eyes. My life’s wish is to be with you in any way you’d have me.” The earnest eyes pleaded for the love of the Cardassian.

Garak’s heart nearly burst with joy. “I would like to be Cardassian bonded and Federation married. There is no life without you. I’ll accept whatever you want, just to be with you is enough.”

Julian lay himself next to Garak and rested his head on his shoulder and wrapped his arms around the Cardassian. “I love you.”

“Dax to Bashir.”

Julian leaned up and tapped his comm, “Bashir.”

“Is Garak all right?” Concern in Dax’s voice.

Julian smiled down at the man laying in the bed. “He’s making a full recovery.”

“Good. Dax out.”

“Now, as your doctor, I need to fully check you out.” Julian said this as he began to remove his own clothes, revealing his already burgeoning erection.

“That would be wise.” Garak agreed as he removed his tunic and allowed Julian to remove his pants and briefs. He felt a slight insecurity as Julian just stared, but relaxed as he read desire in the hazel eyes.

“You are beautiful to look at Garak, an exotic beauty that has wound it way into my heart. It’s joined by the mind and the spirit that make you my Elim, my love.” Julian laid back down next to a speechless Garak. Julian leaned in closer and kissed that lips that were still open in wonder. His tongue roamed and learned the moist cavern of Garak’s and met the Cardassian’s tongue as it began its voyage of exploration.

Julian reluctantly left the mouth for the ridges on Garak’s forehead. He licked then nibbled, loving the moans they wrought. He grabbed the neck ridges, feeling them swell, he moved his mouth to suck along their edges. Eliciting throaty sounds and body thrashes, Julian headed for the light gray nipples. He licked and flicked them with his tongue. They firmed and jutted out.

Garak was lost in the sensations and needed to taste more of the chocolate body. He flipped Julian onto his back and licked his chest, sucking on his nipples. Licked his abdomen, sucking his navel and licked his groin, settling finally on the shaft that offered a pearl drop for the taking and Garak took. He covered the sienna shaft with his mouth, sucking him down into his throat. He worked it with his tongue, swirling the head, caressing the side. The Cardassian used his throat muscles in tandem with his head movement until a writhing, thrashing Julian exploded into his mouth, yelling Garak’s name in sheer joy.

Garak smiled at Julian’s vocal pleasure. He rolled his sated lover over and reached for the vial of oil. He coated his fingers to prepare his love the right way this time. He slipped one finger in and coated the canal with the oil. He slowly worked in the second finger, scissoring the two as he worked them in higher until he could connect with the nub. Stroking it for Julian’s pleasure he got more of a reaction that he expected. Julian pushed back hard on Garak’s fingers, pleading for more. Garak oiled his shaft and placed it at the opening.

Julian cried out impatiently, “Now, Elim. I want you inside.” He pushed against the cockhead and Garak drove himself in to Julian’s sounds of satisfaction.

The beautiful body, the tight feeling, the sounds and begging from Julian, Garak lost his hold on the here and now. He resided in the realm of sensation and followed his body’s instructions. Julian’s urges of harder and more did not go unheeded either. His thrusts matched the rhythm of Julian’s movements and as his hand grabbed the renewed shaft, moved it in sync and they peaked together.

Garak gathered Julian’s pliant body to him, tucking him tight into his embrace. He whispered into the closest ear, “You are my heart.” Julian snuggled in closer.

\------

In the middle of the night, Julian awoke and on bent arm, watched Garak sleep. He couldn’t believe that after months of worry and pain that he had his heart’s desire. He traced the ridges on the sleeping face with a single finger, sighing in contentment. Cerulean eyes stared back up at the smiling face.

“I love you, you know.” Garak whispered softly. Needing to see Julian believe it.

Julian’s face glowed, his eyes crinkled and Garak was sure he could feel the joy shinning out at him. He reached up and gently kissed his lips.

“I’d like to bond in the Cardassian way. Do I have to be Cardassian to do this?” Willing to do whatever he had to. Julian waited for the answer.

Intuitively, Garak knew how to set Julian at ease. He got out of bed and picked up his Cardassian citizenship paper and brought it back to bed. He showed to the human and then tore it up. “I don’t need this, I need you. No matter where we live. I want to marry you again and we can bond the Cardassian way, but the most important thing is that we are together.”

Julian was awed at the commitment that Garak was willing to be part of. “Elim, we don’t have to make it legal now, you have the Federation documents that prevent any others from detaining you. You can still have your freedom. I just want you to be happy, because then I’m happy.” Julian very seriousness was etched on his face.

Garak smiled tenderly at the human that had captured his heart as no other had ever done. “Julian, I don’t want to be free. Freedom is loving you open for all to see. I want to be married again, I want to be bonded. I want all to know you’re mine.”

“And you’re mine,” Garak was claimed aloud by a possessive lover. The Julian added, “If only until I die.”

“Longer, Julian, I promise, it will be longer.” Garak told him with all seriousness.

Julian looked up into vivid blue eyes and saw forever there. He snuggled closer and settled in to sleep in the arms of love.

fini


End file.
